I hate this world, for hating me.
for today and the last few months, i guess this rightfully fits. every things skips me over to find something better and more established, i feel like a failure, and i feel like nothing is inside me anymore. i hate it, i don't want it, and i want things to be different.
archive usuals on a friday afternoon, followed by dinner with my best friend in the entire world, vapiano's, essentially. then surrounding my self with the tempest to rob all hotel cards at the sebel, for obvious reasons. yet it's still not satisfying, it's all a game plan, and i'm the one set to lose.
26.2.11
21.2.11
159
Where are you right now?
thinking, too much as always. hoping for better times etc.
Are you bored?
i'm content
What day is today?
today is monday
Are you happy?
not overly, not underly
Do you have a lot of friends?
i wouldn't agree with that, aquaintances mostly
Who do you tell everything to?
probably demi, she's like my sister
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
no
Do you miss being a kid?
oath, i do
Who was the last person to call you?
believe it was demi
Who was the last person to text you?
monika
Do you have any tattoos?
not as of yet
Do you have any piercings?
holes in my ears and nose
Do you have any regrets?
not so much, as of things that i've learned from, it all made me what i am
When was the last time you were drunk ?
at the archive two weeks ago
Do you enjoy sex?
stupid question
How often do you have sex?
not very often
Do you wish you were somewhere else?
i wish i was in a parellel universe in which life was easy and everything wasn't a problem
Do people like you?
no
Autobots or Decepticons?
autobots for sure
What is usually your first thought when you wake up?
fuck, already
Which bad habits, if any, drive you crazy?
moaning, and whining and people who do the throat clearing thing
List 3 of your best personality traits:
personally,
i think i'm placid and a good person to talk to
an i enjoy having a good time, and make for a good time equally
List 3 of your worst personality traits:
i cry when i'm stressed out
i over think stupid things
i fail at most things i try to keep right
What's the first thing you notice in the opposite sex?
facial structure, facial hair and build
What personality traits do you look for in a partner?
genuine, honest, affectionate
well presented, good grammar, well spoken
What's your favorite song of the moment?
persist - beautiful
158
everything ends, I've come to realise that.
vastly, no matter how great anything seems to be, nothings perfect, and it could topple like game of Jenga at any point in time.
i was happy, exuberant. not only with myself, but about myself.
now, there's been a time warp and I'm back to square one.
loneliness.
self despise.
humility.
boredom.
disgust.
confusion.
next time I hope things stick, I'm quite sick of this world and the mind fucks it keeps giving me.
I'd like to just become happy over a period of time, and have someone continuously share that with me, grow with me as per say. just one wish, because, time is the biggest let down of all.
vastly, no matter how great anything seems to be, nothings perfect, and it could topple like game of Jenga at any point in time.
i was happy, exuberant. not only with myself, but about myself.
now, there's been a time warp and I'm back to square one.
loneliness.
self despise.
humility.
boredom.
disgust.
confusion.
next time I hope things stick, I'm quite sick of this world and the mind fucks it keeps giving me.
I'd like to just become happy over a period of time, and have someone continuously share that with me, grow with me as per say. just one wish, because, time is the biggest let down of all.
17.2.11
12.2.11
151
'Everything begins and ends here. Folly, error, sin,
avarice
Occupy our minds and labor our bodies, and we feed our pleasant
remorse
Life revolves around those we love, the things we love and love
itself between us and somone else. Love is life. Hate between people should be a
rarity, it just isn't human to hate. Though suit yourself, I'm sure you're big
enough to choose to take the higher road. Neutral is this constant stage I'm
usually stuck in. Life is straight forward and contented and it's usual to say
I'm different, but so is everyone else. I am the same as everyone else. No, I'm
not that type of gorgeous and petite girl you may admire. I eat, I breathe, I
sleep and I hope. I polaritise and I dispise. But, I am also happy.
'
151
it's almost autumn, and that means thankfully it will be colder soon
i'm so excited as i can feel it creeping up everyday
it make my mood excel and my thoughts race, so much happens in winter
it always the best season
i'm so excited as i can feel it creeping up everyday
it make my mood excel and my thoughts race, so much happens in winter
it always the best season
8.2.11
149
As she stares in the mirror through hazy grey eyes
The only thing she see’s
Are the imperfections of perceptions of the world starring back at her
“Can I be beautiful?”
Like a gloss coated picture or a digital screen
The portrayal of a perfection
As she dies that little more inside
Cries those tears that she tries to hide
“Why can’t I be beautiful?”
As she stares through hazy grey eyes
The perception of the world
It’s sinking deep in her mind
With these feelings and shadowed thoughts
Her world slows down for a minute or maybe more
Her vision lags, her skin crawls
What does this life have in store for her?
Like a gloss coated picture or a digital screen
The portrayal of a perfection
As she dies that little more inside
Cries those tears that she tries to hide
“With the thought, why can’t I be beautiful?”
“Why can’t I?”
Bring me the pseudo mirror and watch me shine
Open up my wings and soar through the skies
Dancing in sweet spring of hope and through the clouds
Repairing broken bridges of thoughts I might once have had
“Open up my wings, I wish that I had”
“Why can’t I be beautiful?”
As she stares through hazy grey eyes
The perception of the world
Is sinking deep, deep in her mind....."
The only thing she see’s
Are the imperfections of perceptions of the world starring back at her
“Can I be beautiful?”
Like a gloss coated picture or a digital screen
The portrayal of a perfection
As she dies that little more inside
Cries those tears that she tries to hide
“Why can’t I be beautiful?”
As she stares through hazy grey eyes
The perception of the world
It’s sinking deep in her mind
With these feelings and shadowed thoughts
Her world slows down for a minute or maybe more
Her vision lags, her skin crawls
What does this life have in store for her?
Like a gloss coated picture or a digital screen
The portrayal of a perfection
As she dies that little more inside
Cries those tears that she tries to hide
“With the thought, why can’t I be beautiful?”
“Why can’t I?”
Bring me the pseudo mirror and watch me shine
Open up my wings and soar through the skies
Dancing in sweet spring of hope and through the clouds
Repairing broken bridges of thoughts I might once have had
“Open up my wings, I wish that I had”
“Why can’t I be beautiful?”
As she stares through hazy grey eyes
The perception of the world
Is sinking deep, deep in her mind....."
148
as one day is down and one begins, i'm nowhere near as nervous as i was yesterday, though the rain is a hassle.
i got something done on my first day which not many people actually do, so thats a plus.
i miss jadyn and wish he didn't live so far away. it feels like light years!
but now i have to get ready, until tomorrow shine bright baby, shine bright.
i got something done on my first day which not many people actually do, so thats a plus.
i miss jadyn and wish he didn't live so far away. it feels like light years!
but now i have to get ready, until tomorrow shine bright baby, shine bright.
6.2.11
146
today is february the 6th
it is a sunday evening, it's been excruciatingly hot the past few days, i think i've almost fainted thrice now. so many changes are going through my life at once, an i'm loving the surprises that keep hitting me head on.
friday afternoon i went to my new favourite place, the archive, west end.
for a celebratory evening of old colleagues and friends all the same. i had way too much too drink, and i also became a very happy person. i had fun conversations, wore my best dress and had many laughs i thought i wouldn't have again. it definitely made my week
now with a new job on my plate, which i start tomorrow i'm nervous to say the least. it's more so a wrenching in my chest of happiness withered by doubts of my own stupidity.
i hope the heat goes away soon though, i'd like nice winter snuggles in bed.
it is a sunday evening, it's been excruciatingly hot the past few days, i think i've almost fainted thrice now. so many changes are going through my life at once, an i'm loving the surprises that keep hitting me head on.
friday afternoon i went to my new favourite place, the archive, west end.
for a celebratory evening of old colleagues and friends all the same. i had way too much too drink, and i also became a very happy person. i had fun conversations, wore my best dress and had many laughs i thought i wouldn't have again. it definitely made my week
now with a new job on my plate, which i start tomorrow i'm nervous to say the least. it's more so a wrenching in my chest of happiness withered by doubts of my own stupidity.
i hope the heat goes away soon though, i'd like nice winter snuggles in bed.
1.2.11
144
the last two weeks, have been irrevocably joyous
♥ i now collect debts, hitman required (apply within)
♥ i met some cute people, one especially, he's my favourite
♥ packing my bags and leaving the den
♥ demivieve = best
♥ being the devil on little georgia's shoulder
♥ two weeks of vb jugs, stone and wood pints and other beer
content, aspirational and over the moon. today is the first of february, twenty eleven. last night we bought pure blonde, two cartons, they are now all gone. we went swimming, topless then naked, i know your jealous. self inflicted stupidity i thought i had lost to say the least. but it's all worth it in the end. it is what makes us happy, the memories we cherish of the stupid times, we will soon forget.
♥ i now collect debts, hitman required (apply within)
♥ i met some cute people, one especially, he's my favourite
♥ packing my bags and leaving the den
♥ demivieve = best
♥ being the devil on little georgia's shoulder
♥ two weeks of vb jugs, stone and wood pints and other beer
content, aspirational and over the moon. today is the first of february, twenty eleven. last night we bought pure blonde, two cartons, they are now all gone. we went swimming, topless then naked, i know your jealous. self inflicted stupidity i thought i had lost to say the least. but it's all worth it in the end. it is what makes us happy, the memories we cherish of the stupid times, we will soon forget.
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